Normally, I fill this blog with all things beauty. But today I wanted to share an experience....my experience so I hope you'll indulge me for just a bit. This is very personal and very hard for me to talk about. In fact, minus a couple of people, I don't think I've ever talked about this with anyone. I'm not doing this for sympathy or a pity party. I just want to share what happened and see if you've had similar experiences.
So here goes. I was in Target a week ago studying the different sulfate-free shampoos. I paid no attention at the old lady who walked down the aisle until she began studying me.
"You know, you'd be pretty if you had your nose fixed."
My heart stopped for a second as she said that. My mind began to race with thoughts: Was she talking to me? Do I cry? Scream? Should I say something back? Cuss her out? But she's old! I was brought up to respect my elders. But she was RUDE! Thanks, lady for reminding me what I've heard about nearly my WHOLE LIFE. Don't you think I'd do something about it if I could? Instead, her words translated into "You're ugly."
I decided not to say anything back because I (a)knew I'd start crying (b)didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt my feelings. So I walked away, sans shampoo, and acted like I didn't hear her. Instead, I fought back tears and thought of childhood.
My family has always been great and has never really mentioned my nose. I had no idea that my nose was big and bumpy or that I was ugly until fifth grade. Two boys were talking about me on the school bus. "What do you think about her? Would you go with her?" "NO! She's got a big nose! A rocket nose!" And then the ENTIRE BUS began to chant "rocket nose." I wanted to die. I was THAT girl--the ugly girl with the big nose. Luckily, I wasn't taunted daily or anything, but I did hear about my nose over the years, like being told I looked like a witch. I'd hear comments that I'd "grow into" my nose. Or get asked if I broke my nose, fell, or had an accident or something. Even on Picture Day, the photographers would consult each other as if I wasn't there: "Turn her head this way. Move her chin down so we can hide that nose. Have her look over here. No, no never a side profile!"
I admit--I didn't show my face on the blog when I first started. Who would take beauty advice from someone that looks like me with my huge bumpy nose? And you'll notice I only take pics from certain angles to keep it from being too much on display.
But one day I decided to not let it bother me anymore. I embraced my nose. I ignored the stares and whispers. I let rude comments from drunken guys or anonymous blog commenters roll off my back. I was this way for years until that day at Target. So now a week later, the self-consciousness about my nose is still a tiny seed in the back of my mind. I wonder if I should've handled the situation differently and stuck up for myself. Maybe. Will I ever be 100% confident and comfortable with my nose? Maybe. But would I get my nose fixed if I could afford it? Definitely.
Share your experiences with body issues. Have you experienced what I have?
How did you handle the situation?
- Extra Elle:
- Google+ users, will you PLEASE link to your blog on your Google+page? Thank you.
- Because I still love my 90s music, I went to the Deftones/Incubus concert. Great show and the people watching was just as good. It's my 4th time seeing Incubus.
- I've got a family friend that isn't doing well. Prayers are needed desperately.
- I'm making the 5 hour drive to my 2nd nephew's 6th birthday party! I can't wait to see my family. Hope you have a great weekend.