6.18.2015

What Your Dad Really Wants For Father's Day

My Daddy died three months ago. 

And when someone close passes away, you make a list in your mind of those holidays and events you will no longer have together. The first Father's Day without him is going to be tough. 

But in honor of him, in honor of dads everywhere, 
here are some things they might really want instead.

Or maybe these "gifts" are just what I wanted.


alternate link: http://youtu.be/4gJUkrbavFs

A Picture of Just The Two of You
I wish I had more recent pics of just us. All of mine are either of us when I was a baby or with family. You don't have to get formal--be silly, be serious (some dads don't smile and that's okay), be you. Put your arms around each other's shoulders and get that pic. He's proud of you, you know. He'll appreciate it and you will too after he's gone.

Talk to Him
At my Daddy's memorial service, I had so many strangers come up to me and tell me stories about him. I'd never heard these stories and saw how he was so many things to so many people. I immediately felt like I didn't know him at all.

Get those stories. Get those questions you've always wanted answered. You think you have time. You don't. My Daddy was 59 when he passed away. I have mountains of questions I'll never get answers to. He's your dad, but he's a person too. Get to know the other side of him.

Spend Time One on One
I live 5 hours from my family and usually see them on holidays or special occasions. Therefore, most of my time spent with my Dad was with the whole family. If we were alone, he was always asking about me. I wish we could have spent more time together, just the two of us.

We tend to call our dads for help, like to fix something broken in the house, but when do we hang out with them just to be with them? When are we doing what he wants instead of us wanting something from him? Hang out with him. It doesn't have to be a big production. If your dad's not a talker, that's okay. Just sitting there watching tv or doing something he loves will mean a lot.

Make Amends...if you can, and if you need to
Every situation is different BUT if it's something you've considered, take a tiny step in that direction. Get that dialogue started. Just think about it.

I'm lucky that I had a good relationship with my father, but it wasn't as I wanted. Don't get me wrong--my Daddy was an awesome guy. He was kind, always listened and gave advice, very, very smart, and was hilarious. The room lit up when he walked in, but he never had to be the center of attention. He was so incredibly handsome. But his death by liver cancer was caused by the way he lived his life, from his choices. It was always the elephant in the room. I wish I had talked to him about it, to have peace and just an understanding, instead of looking for that after his death.

So in addition to those silly socks, the snazzy ties, or the grilling paraphernalia,
 think about giving him one of these "gifts" too.

If you have a dad, give him a hug. Give him a call. Tell him you love him. 


I wanted to wish a Father's Day to all the men who have served as father figures in my life, like my uncles and especially my step-dad. I love you.

I am taking the rest of the week off for a beach trip--I'll be sharing my adventures on my Instagram, so I hope you follow along. See y'all Monday. Be safe, behave, and be well. Love, Elle 

64 comments:

  1. Beautifully said Elle! I think Dad's are "hard to buy for" because they don't need anything except to talk to their daughters and just feel like you still need them! I hope you enjoy your time at the beach!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. Oh Elle, I'm so sorry you didn't get more time with your dad. All of these are such great things that not only should we do for Father's Day but just in general. I'm such a daddy's girl but you're right, I usually only call when I need help with something. Hope you enjoy your time at the beach!

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  3. These are the absolute perfect gifts, Elle - primarily because they are memories and not things. Love.

    xx

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  4. This is so sweet. I cant imagine how hard this was to film with the upcoming holiday but you are so right. These are the simplest things that I think we all take for granted and overlook. Enjoy the beach girl!

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  5. Elle this was sweet, touching and so true... I think our dads would love for us to just spend time with then and hear their stories. Have a really great vacation xox ♡

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  6. Sometimes we take for granted the loving dads we have by our sides and thank you so much for reminding us to really appreciate them! I am so sorry this will be the first fathers day without you dad! You know he will be there with you though! Love all of these!!!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles
    

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  7. Love this, Elle. (((hugs)))) I miss my dad everyday, and I wish I could've spent more time with him.

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  8. My heart goes out to you dear. You made such great suggestions and I'll be sure to do at least one of them for my dad!

    xoxo,
    little luxury list formerly Chic 'n Cheap Living

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  9. I loved this video Elle! I know it must have been hard to film this but your suggestions really are the best father's day gifts! This was a great reminder to spend time with your Dad and not take him for granted!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

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  10. I think this is going to be a tough day for you, so I will certainly be thinking of you and your family. Thank you for the beautiful post!

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  11. My heart breaks for you over your loss, but I just love this video you did. It really makes me think about my relationship with my own father, I'll be sure to do one of these for him.

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  12. I'm so very sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your memories of your beloved father. Beautiful video.

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  13. Beautifully said and so true!

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  14. You are totally right! I'm sorry for your loss and I totally understand you. My mum died 2 years ago and I miss her every single day. Time flies and we don't realize that we should spend more of it with our dear ones.

    Gemma
    TaipeiStyle

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  15. Elle, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. You are absolutely correct, valuable time, more frequent conversations ... Are what we SHOULD give and what our dads really want - build memories. Love this post!

    Anna
    alilyloveaffair.com

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  16. Oh sweet girl... you break my heart.
    But such wise advice. You are so right - I always remind men that HATE to get their pictures taken that its FOR their children. My brother refuses to get his picture taken. I begged him to take one with his daughter at their elementary school graduation - he wouldn't. I hate that so much...
    I have so many questions I wish I would have asked my grandfather when he passed too - I think people forget to connect on that level.
    My brother in law passed away in February with liver issues due to alcoholism... his 2 yr old son will have his first father's day without his daddy. Breaks my heart. Keeping him & you, & all like you that are having such a hard time, in my prayers.

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  17. Sending you a huge hug. I hope you have a great time at the beach.

    http://www.amysfashionblog.com/blog-home

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  18. *Hugs* gurlie through this tough weekend, I can't imagine how hard it'll be for you. But I love the idea of the framed pic of just the two of you :)

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  19. i love this video so much dear!

    ** I'm inviting you to join Love, Beauty Bloggers on facebook. A place for beauty and fashion bloggers from all over the world to promote their latest posts!

    BEAUTYEDITER.COM

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  20. So well written, Elle. (As usual!)
    I know this is a hard holiday for you, especially now as it's the first Father's Day after your dad's death. But you are so strong + you offer so much good, solid advice for the rest of us! You have a way of putting really tough emotions into words. Thank you so much for sharing this!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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  21. These are wonderful ideas and I'm hoping Sunday goes okay for you. I mean, I know it'll be difficult and it's fine to be sad so own it however you need to.

    Enjoy your vacation!

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  22. I was racking my brain trying to figure out what to get my dad and my mom said all he doesn't really care for "things," he'd much rather have everyone home together. While I did get him a little something, I know he will love having all of his girls home (I have 2 older sisters) for the day. Thinking of you this weekend!

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  23. Hi Elle- love the photo of you and your Dad. I think it's fantastic that you've posted about him and are honoring him. Hope you're doing well. Thanks for this post.

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  24. A beautifully written reminder of what's really important. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find a way to celebrate him during this difficult weekend.

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  25. This is such a moving post! You can tell how much you loved your dad! I hope you find peace this father's day!
    Melanie @ meandmr.com

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  26. With this being the first Father's Day without your dad, he must be on your mind. I think any parent wants nothing more than to just spend time with their kids. Enjoy the beach!

    Rowena @ rolala loves

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  27. love this- I'll be thinking of you sunday! we always try to do an activity together, besides gifts, so we will have the memories. Last year was topgolf and this year we are in hawaii so we are going to a luau!
    Elle
    Southern Elle Style

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  28. This post brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for reminding us that the best Father's Day gifts are time, words and hugs. This post really touched my heart.

    xo, Christina

    Fitness & Frills

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  29. Loved your ideas as they're personal, sweet & low on the cost side. Win, win all around! xx

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  30. those truly are the best gifts! My dad's dog died a few weeks ago and we found the only thing that could make him happy was when we came over or called and just caught up. He loved that! I will be thinking of you this weekend! Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to!
    xoxo Amanda

    The Miller Affect

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  31. Elle, I don't know how you were able to keep yourself together. I was in tears after watching this. Be strong, and know that he is watching over you. I will be thinking of you. (hugs)

    XO,

    Amanda
    www.fortheloveofglitter.com

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  32. Awe this was such a sweet post and it really made me think of my dad because we don't have really any pictures together and spend that much time together, that is something I need to do this year. But yeah I'm sure your dad is looking down on you and is so proud of you.

    Nina
    http://curvymod.blogspot.com/

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  33. What a beautiful, touching post. And, yes, these are the things dads cherish most--pictures, time together, heartfelt talks. My hugs to you on what I know will be a difficult day. T. http://tickledpinkwoman.blogspot.com

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  34. This is so touching and heart felt I love it! Thank you for making Father's Day mean so much more than many people think of it.

    xoxo
    Brooke

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  35. This is a BEAUTIFUL list, Elle. Thanks for reminding me to hug my father today. I'm really lucky enough to do so...

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  36. What a nice post, Elle! Great suggestions! Sending my love to you!

    Christie
    The Closet by Christie

    www.theclosetbychristie.com

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  37. How great of you to share Elle. Thanks for the reminder of simplicity and love at Father's Day. Sending prayers and thoughts your way.
    Betsy
    XO
    http://www.twopeasinablog.com

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  38. Moving post, Elle. My heart goes out to you. The year after a loved one's death is very hard; holidays like this remind us of our loss. Best wishes.

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  39. Wow, what a beautiful post Elle. I am always saddened by this but I commend you for handling such sad situation with grace. I know this weekend will be tough for you but I do hope you will be surrounded by loved ones who will lift you up and share more loving memories of your Daddy. The relationship I have with my Daddy has been great but I know in my heart, it can be so much better. Thanks for opening up…God bless.

    xo,
    Brooke | KBStyled

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  40. I watched this video all over again! I absolutely love it THAT MUCH!

    Connie | Sponsored by Coffee | Etsy

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  41. I can tell how hard this was to do for you, but there are a lot of people who will benefit! I appreciate the wonderful reminders on what Father's Day is all about!

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  42. This is such beautiful advice and sound like gifts that any dad would love to receive over the ties/grilling stuff anyway! I'm going to make an effort to spend more time with my dad! Enjoy your beach trip and I'll be thinking of you this Father's Day.

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  43. such a beautiful and touching thing to share. so sorry to hear about your father -- but i know his presence will be felt on Sunday. thanks for sharing some beautiful gift options. i think its important to be sentimental with fathers too, not just the mamas out there. thinking of you sweetie!

    xoxo, Elena Michelle
    www.anewyorkloveaffair.com

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  44. Great tips! I find it really hard to come up with gift ideas for my dad. And these ones are precious.

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  45. The firsts are so very hard. Thinking of you this weekend. The beach is a fine place to come to terms with life. I hope the salt water gives you some comfort.

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  46. Wonderfully said Elle! I'm so sorry for your loss..I'll be thinking of you this weekend! And I'll be giving my Dad a framed photo of him and I now :)

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  47. Wow, you are in my thoughts for sure this weekend. That was such a thoughtful post and personal at most. You're so brave to be open with your readers and I love that you gave these tips. It's a great reminder for everyone to cherish the moments you have and to not take the time you have with each other for granted. Love this. Keep your head high, your father is with you in spirit and will always be watching over you!

    xoxo,
    Nickie of www.nickieanddime.com

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  48. Awwww Elle thanks so much for sharing this with us. You're so right, those one on one moments are so special, and we really do take these moments for granted. Thanks for the reminder and hope you have the loveliest weekend!!

    xx 365Hangers

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  49. I'm so sorry to hear that. Losing loved ones is so hard.
    Thank you for these lovely Father's Day recommendations.

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  50. Such good advice and great things to remember!! Sportsanista

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  51. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    simplyzyndee.blogspot.com

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  52. Lovely list and such great advice. I've always believed that it's the simpler things that matter most. Unfortunately for me I don't have that kind of a relationship with my father. He's not very fatherly at all.

    I really am sorry for your loss, Elle. I hope your beach trip brings you some joy during this difficult weekend. <3

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  53. These are wonderful ideas! So sorry that this will be a difficult weekend for you, but I hope you enjoy the beach trip.

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  54. These are amazing points a few of which I will put into practice tomorrow, I am so sorry for your loss!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  55. I am so sorry about your loss, Elle. You have really made me think about what's really important on Father's Day! Not gifts, but giving time and showing love and affection! I will be praying for you during these hard times!

    Emily

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  56. Before even reading this post I thought about your dad's passing. You were such a loing daughter to him Elle, and I bet he was as proud of you as you are of him. Thanks for being so open and touching my heart, this Sunday!

    Hugs <3 Ada.

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  57. Wondeful ideas Elle! So sorry about your loss. Hugs
    xx
    www.JuneWantsItAll.com

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  58. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear! Terrible news. I haven't checked your blog in ages, lack of time, new baby.. hope you're doing good and recovery after the loss will be smooth!

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  59. With five of us kids, it's rare that there's a photo of just me with either of my parents. I realized that a couple of years ago so since then I've started taking more shots of me with each of my parents individually. I'm glad I've done that! We've been doing the same thing with Christopher's parents and each photo of them together has been more and more precious as his dad's dementia gets worse.

    I am definitely bad about not spending one on one time with my dad. I should do that! You are so right. Thanks, Elle!

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  60. I always get my Dad a funny card and a serious card. He looks forward to it, and I write something in the cards. It sometimes makes him teary eyed. My Dad hates his picture being taken so that is out but just spending time means a lot to him.

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  61. The best gifts are always the things that can't be bought. That's for sure! Great post, Elle!

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  62. Beautiful post Elle. I'm catching up and this was so heart felt and warming. My Dad lives about 2-3 hours away from me and it does make his day when my son and I call him and are able to visit.

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  63. What an awesome post. Yes these are truly gifts for your dad (and for yourself!!) that beat the socks and ties! It's so bizarre how similar your story is with mine (in regards to the feelings you had with your dad..).

    I hope you made it through your first Father's Day.. MUCH LOVE!
    -Stephanie Eva

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